BEEyond VEGGIES

In a previous essay (“A new political party”), I tried to emphasize the importance of vegetables in our society by suggesting the formation of the VEGGIE political party. I outlined the substantial benefits that such a party offers to our planet. My claims have not been without critics, and I would like to honestly (and I use the word “honest” in its political sense, which can of course also be metaphorical) examine the views of at least one rival party.

This is because I believe that we need more than one political party, otherwise, we do not have a democracy, at least as the ancient Greeks once defined that word dēmokratía. To reiterate and etymologize, the word democracy comes from demos ‘people’ and kratos ‘rule’, meaning, in some sense, that the people rule.

But “the people” can rule in unfortunate ways, as vegetables have found out. I have shown that they can become traumatized by chefs and even household cooks. Our Founding Fathers, many of them farmers, would be appalled at the treatment of spinach or slime cabbage, where even the name is degrading.

The political party that I believe offers the greatest challenge to the VEGGIE party is the BEE party. The founder of the party (a Mr. Maybee) believes that without bees, even the strongest vegetable would become compost. Not any bee, but those that pollinate our flowers and plants. There are over 4000 species of native bees in America, but they don’t all help our crops. There are only a few kinds that seek the nectar of flowers (and many vegetables have flowers).

Because of their strategic importance to society, the BEE party believes that they should receive the bulk of the government budget for the coming year. This, of course, will leave the VEGGIE party and progressives in a precarious position.

Nevertheless, BEE propaganda, as told in the BEEGOOD pamphlet, has some merit because, as the Queen Bee points out, “without bees, Vegies don’t have a chance.” However, this seems vastly overstated because some vegetables, like people, never blossom and spend a good part of their lives underground. They don’t need bees, they need worms.

Based on the contention that “The world has not been kind to bees” (Wikipedia, accessed sometime), I immediately called a meeting (via both Bloom and Stripe) with some of the most prominent vegetables of the world: Cabbage Head, Carrot Top, and Bean Pole.

I asked them how they felt about another political party—one that featured bees—sharing our platform and plank. Should Vegecrats oppose the BeeGood party, even if we have not yet seen any of their platform planks? Our discussion, as you shall see, eventually led to suggestions of a compromise.

Mr. Cabbage Head was somewhat worried about bees. “They buzz our patch regularly and have been known to sting our raw offspring—get rid of them.” Mr. Carrot Top was a little more condescending: “We could see some real benefit of bees, although they seldom stop long enough to enjoy our sucrose and glucose.” Mr. Bean Pole was the most inviting: “We have had insects harm us for a long time, but honeybees are different—thy hum tunes and transfer our pollen—there should be no stigma attached to being a bee.”

I was unsure of what to do next, but fortunately, a spokesbee for the party came up with an idea, one seldom discussed amongst American ruling political parties. The suggestion: “Why don’t we compromise, form a coalition, something like a BEE-VEGGIE party?” I again consulted my top vegies to see what they thought of the idea.

“Not unless we call it VEGGIE-BEE,” said Mr. Cabbage Head. “We were here first. Nobody wants to be last, or even second.” I didn’t want to argue, so I again went to Mr. Carrot Top. He had a bee in his bonnet and was worried about the Queen bee. “I have been told,” he said, “that she just lies around and has thousands of drones—slave bees—working for her.” Last of all, I turned to Mr. Bean Pole for his take on the matter. “I think I like the idea. My wife calls me ‘honey’ and that seems to show respect, and that suggests that we should be as busy as the bees.”

So, it looks like a coalition is “bee’s knees” and we should buzz along with the idea. However, we will need to put the bite (or sting) on someone if we are going to raise money for the venture. However, someone may know just the right honey trap we need. Nevertheless, the exact name for the party is yet to be determined. In the meantime, “float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.”

Karl Franklin